As fasting ends, the lessons of Ramadan linger

As we drove, I heard bits of Koranic verse from mosque loudspeakers at different intervals. The imams go through the whole Koran during the month of Ramadan and for several hours each day verses are broadcast throughout the city.

Three on the checklist: Sensing the unity of Muslims.

Last Monday I performed another of Ramadan's regular rituals, the pre-dawn Tahajud prayers that are encouraged but not obligatory. Dozens of women were streaming into our neighborhood mosque as I arrived with my mother and housemaid, Mahbooba, at 1 a.m..

There were close to 500 women there and we took our place at the end of one of the rows. Ten minutes later a woman came in and stood shoulder-to-shoulder with me. I felt uncomfortable at her proximity and moved closer to Mahbooba.

We were holding Korans and reading the verses the imam was speaking. But I was so irritated by this woman who stuck to me that I couldn't concentrate. I complained to my mother during an interval. "That's how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to stand shoulder to shoulder like that."

"With strangers?"

"You're Muslims praying together," she answered. Almost two hours later, we were done and the imam started the supplication.

"God help us follow your guidance. God help us move closer to you and away from evil." I heard a sound like ocean waves breaking, but I couldn't tell what it was "God help us move towards the light and away from sin." The sound grew more distinct but still eluded me.

"God help our brothers in Palestine, Iraq, Chechnya, and Kashmir regain their occupied lands. Help them defeat their enemies." The muffled roar took shape; it was a chorus of amens from the men's section. "God keep our parents healthy and our children healthy," said the imam, his voice breaking.

"Amen."

At the end of the 10-minute supplication, women grabbed tissues from boxes in front of them, wiping tears and blowing their noses. The energy in the mosque was clearer, lighter. I felt lifted and at peace, and the woman whose shoulder touched mine no longer seemed like such a bother.

Also on the Ramadan check list: an increased mindfulness of God's blessings.

When the crescent moon was sighted Friday, Ramadan ended here. Drinking green tea when I woke up yesterday was a treat that I had been looking forward to, but I still find, strangely enough, that I miss Ramadan. I miss the city's mass immersion (at least the intention of it) into God and charity and trying to be our best. I miss the guidance of the sun, whose setting permitted me to eat and whose arrival forced me to abstain. And I miss looking for the companionship of the moon and studying its shape to determine the days left of fasting.

Lastly, the article prescribes drawing closer to Allah. I have become very conscious of God during Ramadan - when I ate, when I drank water, and even when I didn't. I thought about God every time I wanted to swear or get angry or think negative thoughts, which I came to realize is more often than I expected. And I think that's all part of the lesson.

But the one lesson that I'm still striving to learn is balance. I pray that though Ramadan is over, God remains a presence in my life, not in grand gestures and infrequently, but consistently and in small doses.

• Previous stories appeared on Oct. 15, 22, 29, and Nov. 5.

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