Men decide it's never too late to have kids

"It was definitely a priority for me," he says of his desire to find someone to start a family with. "I ... got out of possible relationships because somebody didn't want to have children over time."

It's a priority that others in the dating pool share. In a survey in July 2002 by the online dating service Match.com, 14 percent of 277 men age 40 to 59 said they always size up a woman's potential as a mother on the first date. Many more - 44 percent - said they never do. But a majority of this group (and their younger counterparts) said that if forced to sacrifice one life goal for another, they would pick children over a career.

Dan Conway, a public relations professional from southern California, was also looking for the right partner. When he found and married her three years ago, he didn't think he wanted children - she already had them and wasn't planning on more - but now "the biological clock is ticking," he says.

Now in his early 50s, Mr. Conway is grappling with the likelihood that he will not be a father. He compensates by helping out with his stepgrandchildren and by doing a lot of soul-searching about the factors that made him wait: a focus on his career and being single, as well as caring for a dying parent.

"Sometimes you don't know what you need until you get to a place in your life when you're able to accept it," he explains. "A major challenge in life is to find that person you can truly love and someone with whom you have the greatest possibility of long-term compatibility. In my situation, I found this person, but then realized that there's a missing piece in my life."

Fathers who've chosen to have children late in life say they often have concerns about what it will be like to be 65 when their son or daughter is 12. They also have other issues to contend with, such as paying for college on a retiree's income, or living long enough to provide advice as their child grows. But many find ways to overcome their concerns and to embrace the opportunity.

"There's no sense of loss as to what I didn't do earlier," says Mr. Greenfield. "There is an enormous sense of enrichment, and I can't imagine not having had this experience."

That's the sentiment Stanford professor Martin Carnoy and his son found when they interviewed men in the 1990s for their book, "Fathers of a Certain Age: The Joys and Problems of Middle-Aged Fatherhood." Professor Carnoy was becoming a father again during a second marriage, and he was curious about the experiences of late-life fathers.

"They were really neat interviews," he says of the middle-aged men who in particular were parenting for the first time. "There's no ambivalence on their part about having the kids. This is what they wanted, this is why they got married; they finally figured out 'Something is missing from my life,' and they wanted to have a family."

Older fathers tend to have less physical relationships with their children, but are often calmer and form strong emotional bonds with their kids, Carnoy and Mr. Brott say. In some cases, older men can even spend more time with their children, especially if they are financially secure and don't have to work as aggressively at a career.

"There are benefits to both sides of the equation," says Greenfield, who is contemplating having another child. "I think when you're younger, obviously there's more time. But maturity, I think, has its assets. It's nice to be centered and calm and know a lot more about myself. I think I'm able to share a great deal with my son now."

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