DNC party games for your home

Then try to fit every single thing you can find in the convention into that metaphor. Points are given for incongruity - "Jennifer Granholm sleepwalked through her speech ... just like Lady Macbeth!"

Given the rules of punditry, while you might think points should be taken away for repeating conventional wisdom ("John Edwards looks so young - will that make people think he's not qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency?"), in fact double points are scored. Triple if you work in polling data.

3. Create your own convention speech. Start with a somewhat strained comparison between colonial Boston and the current presidential election. Throw in at least twenty mentions of the candidate, referring to him only - and this is important - as "John Kerry," not "Kerry." Then add any three of the following six phrases: "our troops," "restoring America's dignity," "war hero," "affordable healthcare," "it's time for him to go," and "anything is possible in this great country of ours." Mix well, stir, simmer at partisan heat for about three hours, and voila!

4. Get excited about the Edwardses. OK, this isn't really a home game, but it still might be more of a task than you thought before the evening began. Edwards said all the right things, and he said them pretty well, but expectations were so high that another version of the "two Americas" speech and a slightly hurried delivery means there's still work for all you out there at home. And if you're really looking for a game, then you might want to think about promotional strategies for Wendy's, which you know is going to capitalize on the free publicity Elizabeth Edwards gave them when she identified the restaurant where the couple spends their anniversaries.

5. Protest. Now, I know you're thinking - how is this a home game? Well, my understanding is that the protest zones are far enough away from the centers of the convention that if you want to protest, you might as well just do it at home and save travel expenses. Just make a sign, dress up, and stand in front of your television and scream at it. You'll feel better.

And if you're pretty happy with the party convention, then just protest stuff around the house. You might be surprised at how well signs like "MY CHILDREN DON'T WRITE" or "DOWN WITH NOISY NEIGHBORS" send a message. True, the message may be that you've been watching too much political coverage, but it's a message nonetheless.

I've got to stop writing now - I have a breakfast meeting with Ashton Kutcher. He wants to play John Edwards in "DNC!: The Musical."

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