Will 'I dos' end the gay-marriage debate?

Stephanie Coontz, a historian at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., views same-sex marriage as part of a dramatic redefinition of marriage over the past 30 years that affects both heterosexuals and homosexuals.

She calls this shift, which has taken place over the past 30 years, "only one symptom of a new openness of society to a whole set of untraditional ways of living your life and organizing your obligations to others."

E.J. Graff, author of "What Is Marriage For?," expects public disapproval of single-sex marriage to continue to abate. In 2000, 63 percent of Americans disapproved. Last fall, in a Gallup poll, 50 percent said that allowing these unions would have "no effect" on society.

But stigmas persist. After several years in which violence against gays declined nationally, it rose 26 percent in the last half of 2003, the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs reports. Clarence Patton, acting executive director, attributes some of that increase to the US Supreme Court decision last June repealing sodomy laws.

Anecdotal evidence indicates the first quarter of this year appears to have set a record high for crimes against gays, Mr. Patton notes. This period coincides with the heated public discussion of same-sex marriage as a national issue.

"Whenever there's heightened visibility, there's heightened risk for violence," he says.

Some educators report that the widespread publicity about gay marriage has increased name-calling and violence against gay students.

"Kids hear their parents talk at home, whereas before they may never have heard them discuss gay people," says Pam Garramone, director of a PFLAG program in Boston called Safe Schools.

"If they're speaking in a negative way," she adds, "that gives their child license to beat up or make fun of gay youths, or those who are perceived to be gay."

For black gays and lesbians, stigmas exist within their own community, where many remain relatively invisible.

"A lot of African-Americans tend to think that one's gayness supersedes their blackness - that you can't be both," says Jasmyne Cannick of Los Angeles, a spokeswoman for the National Black Justice Coalition. "They think that because I'm a lesbian, I belong in West Hollywood [with whites]."

Before the marriage debate took center stage, she says, black newspapers typically ignored gay and lesbian issues. Now editors are taking notice. So are some black pastors who had previously shunned gays.

Making same-sex marriage legal in Massachusetts is "just the beginning," cautions Martha Nussbaum, a professor of law and ethics at the University of Chicago. "There's going to be a long process of thrashing things out, nationally and internationally."

For opponents of gay marriage, Dr. Nussbaum says, it will take more than a court decision to "persuade the unpersuaded" and end stigmatization.

Fein-Zachary, awaiting her marriage license, agrees. "We're all hopeful that our friends and neighbors will understand that this is really about love and commitment and respect for families that are different from each other."

Jonathan Rauch, author of "Gay Marriage," puts it this way: "It's a new day, but we shouldn't expect too much."

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