A defender for Japan's battered women

"For 25 years! She put up with such a husband for 25 years," Ueda exclaims, rolling her eyes. "And even served his guests with a full-course Japanese dinner like a high-class restaurant."

Such experiences have caused her to consider the causes of domestic violence.

A recent government report by the Justice Ministry's Research and Training Institute indicates that alcohol and drugs play a part. The six-year study reveals that 74.9 percent of perpetrators of domestic violence in Japan were habitual drinkers, 67.2 percent had consumed alcohol before an incident of abuse, and 15.3 percent had a history of drug use.

Ueda also wonders if society should share some of the blame. She points to studies that show that many batterers are in their 30s to early 40s, which means those in her age group raised them. This has caused her to reflect on her generation's child-rearing practices and values.

"Didn't we think that children were just fine as long as they kept good grades at school or they got a job at a so-called good company?" she asks. "I have to say our generation was at fault."

Ueda has two sons and a daughter. Her two sons graduated from American universities and now work in the United States. She has visited the sons there and likes to talk about them taking very good care of their babies and doing household chores well.

Nevertheless, she deeply regrets that she and her husband, like many parents, were too busy working to spare much time for their children.

She has also come to recognize that many Japanese parents fail to understand the importance of developing their child's self- esteem. "If you don't respect yourself, you are less likely to treat your partner well," she asserts. "If you have self-esteem, you are more likely to respect your partner and others."

Ueda's mother used to tell her as she was growing up that she would be happy as an adult if she married and depended on her husband for everything.

Ueda resisted that idea. "I found it unimaginable for me to depend on just one man for my fate," she recalls. That's one reason she worked all her married life.

But many Japanese women do believe that marriage is their main goal in life. "We very often hear that someone becomes a respectable member of society once he or she gets married," Ueda says.

So, in order to keep their marriage "stable," many battered women are reluctant to report their suffering.

"Some of them even blame themselves, not their abuser, saying, 'Some of the fault might be mine,' " says Kaname Tsutsumi, a professor at Kyushu International University. "Even when a victim consults with her family members and friends about her husband's abuse, some ... still say to her, 'You'd better be patient until a child grows up.' "

"They are excessively patient," Ueda contends. "So the first thing I tell a battered woman is, 'It's not you who are wrong.' "

Along with other activists, lawyers, and victims of spousal abuse, Ueda has prodded politicians into adopting laws that protect victims of domestic violence. In April 2001, the Japanese Diet finally passed a law, which went into effect in October 2001, that allows courts to impose restraining orders against batterers.

Despite the legislation's shortcomings, its passage was a significant event for Japanese women, Ueda declares, adding that it wouldn't have become law without the efforts of victims of domestic abuse. "They are resilient, tenacious, and courageous. Had they not come forward with their courage, the laws would have never been made.... They've taught me a lot about the world I did not know."

Having escaped from her violent marriage, Sachi attended night school and learned calligraphy at the age of 60. She sent some of her work to Ueda.

"Very beautiful, isn't it? I'm going to put it in a frame and hang it on the wall here," says Ueda, beaming while showing the piece of paper.

Does she have any regrets about giving up her quiet retirement to work with battered women? "No," she responds promptly.

"What I have gained through my activity has enriched my life. Even if I could spend the rest of my life traveling as much as I want, I would be never able to grasp this richness," she says, her smile echoing her words. "I never imagined I could have a very happy life like this in my 60s."

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