(Not) home for the holidays

This year, Nicholas Wolaver and his parents and sister will be having Christmas dinner at a hotel for the first time. In October, Mr. Wolaver and his sister, Loraine, were dreading another "ho hum Christmas in Oklahoma," and wanted to give their busy mother a break from cooking. So, they convinced their parents they should celebrate instead in Denver, where his sister works as a chef.

"This is the first time we've done something sort of different. We're excited about the unknown elements of it," says Wolaver, a public-relations executive from Atlanta.

In the past, one of the family's big decisions was whether to put their tree in the den or the bay window. "This year," he says, "the decision is: Are we going to have dinner and then go ski, or are we going to have dinner and go visit the Olympic Training Center?"

That people are altering their usual stay-at-home plans could be a sign that they are trying to break away from the pressure to produce the perfect holiday gathering, suggests Barbara Fiese, chair of the psychology department at Syracuse University. It's a good idea to review your traditions from time to time, she says.

"One of the ways you define a ritual is it's something that you look forward to and anticipate.... I often tell families, if you find that there's something that you dread and that you don't want to do, find a way to avoid it, because [dread is] the opposite of healthy ritual," she says.

The burden of hosting the holidays is one reason Mr. Schallert and his wife decided to try the new approach. They also found that it is good "bait," as he calls it, to get their kids to spend time with the family. "It's a lot easier for us to convince them to juggle their schedules and take a significant amount of time off to go to a more exotic location than to just come home," he says with a laugh.

While he and Wolaver were successful at convincing their families to try something new, not all holiday travel hopefuls are.

Lori Mayfield, a freelance writer from Los Angeles, wanted to use her longer vacation time at the holidays for trips to exotic locales. Her family wasn't keen on the idea. "In the same way we can't decide when we're together ... what TV channel to watch, we can't decide on the same vacation we might want to go on together," she says.

When Ms. Mayfield didn't join her mother and brothers for Christmas for the first time six years ago, they viewed it as a slight. Now, "it's accepted, at least."

It softens the blow that she's going to faraway places such as Africa, India, and Nepal, which require quite a bit of time to reach and to explore.

She involves her family in her trips, bringing books about the places she's visiting to their Thanksgiving gatherings and asking people what they'd like her to bring back. And she has a new tradition with her mother: She buys Christmas ornaments for her from whatever country she visits.

Those who do bring their families along say traveling together can be stressful. But at least you're in an appealing location, says Polk. Her family has found a way to remember the good times on their seasonal trips. "We always gather for a family photo, so we have this ongoing family history as recorded at our various holiday destinations. It's exceeded everybody's expectations."

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