97 ways to zap those pesky 'Z's'

52. Offer to send with the next spacecraft being launched to discourage aliens from visiting earth.

53. Varnish and sell as doorstops.

54. Sell them as "spot reducers" that roll away the flab.

55. When you can't stand the thought of having "Z" one more night, say it backward and tell your family you're having a Greek dish called "Inihccuz."

56. Construct environmentally friendly garden fences.

57. Tie them together and float in the pool to mark lanes.

58. Use as torches to light your summertime pool party.

59. Line your bird cage with a zucchini.

60. Pick a cause, any cause, then sponsor a zucchini "canoe race."

61. Make an animated film titled "The Great Zucchini Wars." Leave no survivors.

62. Name your garden the "Zucchini Capital of the World." Get grant money for your pain and suffering.

63. Use as a disposable kitchen rolling pin, to roll out biscuits and pie crusts.

64. Make your new spouse promise in his wedding vows: "For better or worse, richer or poorer, no matter how much zucchini you feed me..."

65. Leave the world better than you found it by making your kids repeat after you... "I will never plant zucchini, I will never plant zucchini...."

66. Put in your kids' stockings at Christmas - if they've been bad.

67. Go to a potluck supper one night and take your most zucchini-intensive dish. Generously leave a few bags of zucchini at the door, along with the recipe.

68. Found an organization whose mission is to gather all the zucchini seeds in the world - and destroy them.

69. Trick-or-treat. Pass them out to children at Halloween.

70. Keep a zucchini in the bathroom to stuff in the tub drain when you lose the plug.

71. Keep one handy to use as a toilet plunger.

72. Tape your business card to them and hand out at business conferences to make a lasting impression.

73. Go to Santa Fe and donate them as hot-air balloon weights.

74. Tell a supermarket tabloid that your zucchini have special aphrodisiac qualities.

75. Follow up with a story that your garden is a former UFO landing site, which gave your soil special properties.

76. Follow up again. Say that you're donating your zucchini to anybody over 50.

77. Form a Whiffle Ball league that uses zucchini as bats.

78. Present to your local symphony conductor for use as "environmentally friendly" batons.

79. Design a "Captain Z, Superhero" costume and wear it as you pass zucchini out to children to be used as laser guns.

80. Create a website so others can share their zucchini woes.

81. Keep some in the freezer to plug those broken pipes in the winter.

82. Play Huck Finn by tying zucchini together to build a raft.

83. Stuff in your noisy neighbor's mailbox.

84. Provide "insurance" to your neighborhood. Tell them nothing will happen to their houses if they agree to take a regular supply of zucchini.

85. Make a fashion statement: Design a zucchini hat.

86. Create "zucchini dachshunds" to offer at street fairs.

87. Varnish to sell as organic earrings.

88. Keep some handy to slip under your tires when you get stuck in the snow or mud.

89. Tie messages to 100 zucchini and then toss them into the ocean.

90. Dare to be different. Create a zucchini Christmas tree this year.

91. Drop a giant zucchini in your toilet tank to conserve water.

92. Make a wall hanging.

93. Dip zucchini in chocolate and sell at your local candy store.

94. "Discover" an ancient document in your garden that says zucchini grown there hold the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe.

95. Claim justifiable homicide if friends have you over and serve ... you know.

96. Say "I'm not going to take it anymore," pile them up, dance around the bonfire, and laugh maniacally.

97. Pray for lasting peace ... and the strength to make it to the end of the zucchini mating season.

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