Debate on gay unions splits along generations

Nirmal Chandraratna measures that change in little things - like the fact that the cable pay-per-view company he works for in New York just threw him a shower. "When you come out of the closet, this is the last thing you expect," laughs Mr. Chandraratna, who held a commitment ceremony last month with his partner of four years.

His parents attended the ceremony but aren't comfortable telling anyone in his hometown of Palos Verdes, Calif., that their son is gay. "My mom's religious values are in conflict with this way of life," he explains.

He sees differences among younger generations as well. Among his peers - those in their early 30s - Chandraratna says he's often the first gay person they've met. Friends his age tend to be women or other gay men. Yet he has befriended some younger straight men in their early 20s, and he's amazed how comfortable they are hanging out with gay men. "They know about the gay lifestyle," he says, ""They know how to joke around."

IT'S that simple fact of knowing gays and lesbians - who have come out of the closet in ever increasing numbers and at younger ages - that has changed the opinion of many Americans. Nowadays, too, schools are more actively promoting tolerance. The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), for instance, lists over 1,700 gay-straight alliances, in small towns and big cities, from Georgia to Utah.

"More and more people begin to recognize that LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender] people are part of their communities," says Eliza Byard of GLSEN. "They've grown up with them. They've had them in classes. It would be very hard to convince that generation of people that there's a legitimate reason their classmates shouldn't have the same rights they do."

That's exactly what worries Americans such as Glenn Stanton, an analyst for marriage and family for Focus on the Family, a conservative Christian group in Colorado Springs, Colo.

"What kind of culture are [young people] going to be creating for us, and are those decisions good?" he asks. "They were raised in the midst of a huge family experiment called no-fault divorce.... They don't realize they're going to subject a whole other generation to another experiment."

But he and other social conservatives say there's something older generations have learned that young people are missing - "how marriage uniquely solves the paradox of humanity that helps a male and female come together." He says "Marriage is a natural thing.... When we reduce this to rights talk, which young people typically do, we're failing to recognize the natural law present in marriage."

For now, the momentum in public thought appears to be toward increasing openness to the idea of gay marriage. Linda Davies and Gloria Bailey - a lesbian couple who have been together 32 years - are among the plaintiffs in a gay-marriage case now before the Massachusetts high court. They say they feel growing support from their own generation. Just recently, they got a standing ovation as they reported to their Unitarian church in Brewster, Mass., about the court case. Says Ms. Bailey: "It was mind boggling."

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