Converting bullies with books

"The conventional wisdom has been to ignore the problem and it will go away, but kids will tell you that it doesn't go away," says Professor Roberts, who leads anti-bullying workshops across the country. "We have not provided children with the type of assistance they need to deal with bullying."

But what is the best way to give children the tools they need?

Across the country, educators are embracing conflict-resolution programs and antibullying campaigns in an attempt to teach moral, empathetic values. In the wake of their efforts, a cottage industry has emerged, flooding the market with new curricula, workshops, and how-to books.

Although many of these resources convey helpful, well-documented information, others perpetuate an incomplete understanding of the issue, as well as promote misconceptions and stereotypes.

Just ask Susan P. Limber, associate director of the Institute on Family and Neighborhood Life at Clemson University in South Carolina. She points to the prevailing idea that bullies often suffer from low self-esteem. This belief often shapes the approach that many school officials take to the problem of bullying.

But some recent reports suggest the contrary, she says, and efforts spent to enhance the bully's opinion of himself may have been overemphasized. Instead, the bully may need exposure to more positive social role models.

Victims, on the other hand, do tend to suffer from a low self-image and should rarely be brought face-to-face with their tormentors and expected to work out their problems among themselves.

"Bullying is not a conflict," says Ms. Limber. "It is a victimization, and we need to help educators recognize the difference."

That's why Wellesley's Mullin-Rindler promotes the use of children's books at home and in schools. Literature provides adults with a day-to-day opportunity to begin a dialogue with children about what bullying behavior is and how they, even at very young ages, can prevent it.

She, like many experts, believes attention needs to focus on the silent bystander. "We need to send the message that siding with the bully is not cool. That's the bigger issue, raising empathy with the group as a whole," says Mullin-Rindler.

One book that does that is "The Hundred Dresses," a 1944 tale by Eleanor Estes. The story is told from the point of view of the bully's best friend and speaks poignantly about the pain inflicted by someone's unvoiced complicity.

In the book, Wanda Petronski, the daughter of a poor Polish immigrant, is taunted daily about her clothing. Although the little girl wears the same old faded blue dress to school day after day, she claims she has 100 others lined up in her closet.

A girl named Maddie just stands by as her friend Peggy teases Wanda, until Wanda's father moves the family to the city, hoping for more acceptance.

Eventually Maddie realizes: "True, she had not enjoyed listening to Peggy ask Wanda how many dresses she had in her closet, but she had said nothing. She stood by silently, and that was just as bad as what Peggy had done. Worse. She was a coward.... She had done just as much as Peggy to make life miserable for Wanda by simply standing by and saying nothing. "

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