Single moms find roommates

Danielle McWilliams was eager to begin a new life in Washington with her 5-year-old son. The single mother had landed a dream job there and was thrilled to be living in a vibrant metropolitan area, a stark contrast to the more laid-back town they'd left in Kansas. But she hadn't realized the equally stark contrast in cost of living.

She had arranged to live with her parents for a month, tops. But as the weeks went by, and she couldn't find an affordable home, she grew more anxious. And she felt a great need to talk with someone in a similar situation, who would understand what she was going through.

But Ms. McWilliams isn't one to wallow in self-pity. She was determined to stick it out in Washington, and when she read about a website that matches up single mothers for housing, she felt a burst of hope. For several nights, she stayed up late reading profiles of other single moms in her area, posted on Co-Abode.com. That was last July. By October, after meeting many single mothers via Co-Abode, McWilliams decided to share a three-level town house with the single mom with whom she felt most compatible. It helped that her son, and the other woman's son, also 5, had hit it off.

Since then, McWilliams says, it's been an ideal situation. The moms split household bills, divvy up chores, cover for each other when they want to dash to the store or go to the movies - and chat daily. Their boys, who share a bedroom, have grown as close as brothers.

"Having an only child," she says, "I always wondered what he's missing out on, what he's not learning about sharing, what social skills he's not developing. There's a lot of guilt. But now he's got a live-in buddy, and I'm a far better mother because I'm less stressed."

While McWilliams's living situation might be unique, her single-parent status is not. According to the Census Bureau, the number of American households headed by single mothers increased 25 percent during the 1990s.

Single moms currently number about 13 million, and they are raising 20 million children. The average household income for a single mother is $24,000 annually.

Many of these women are barely scraping by, especially in today's shaky economy. (Forty-one percent of single-parent households live at or below the poverty level.)

They or their ex-husbands might be newly jobless. Child support may be dwindling. Affordable child care is hard to find. Credit-card bills are piling up. And paying a hefty mortgage by themselves can be daunting.

To make matters worse, they are living alone with a child - or two or more - and they are craving the company of adults.

They might be reluctant to ask family to bail them out - with cash or by offering a couple of spare bedrooms.

For these women, both stay-at-home parents and those who work outside the home, a single-parent resource such as Co-Abode can provide a valuable economic and emotional safety net.

Co-Abode works much like those online matchmaking sites that have revolutionized the dating scene in the past few years. But the goal is to ease economic strain and a sense of isolation.

Single mothers pay $29 and fill out a lengthy questionnaire about their parenting philosophy, religious beliefs, and approach to discipline, as well as about their work, interests, and diet. (Those who can't afford the fee are not turned away.)

Moms correspond anonymously at first and then are urged to move slowly, talking by telephone before meeting face-to-face.

Guidelines on the site urge that potential roommates talk openly, ask the right questions, and take enough time to cultivate a friendship between themselves and their children before signing a lease. This could help them detect potential clashes of parenting and discipline styles, neatness standards, or personal quirks they couldn't live with.

The website also posts sample roommate contracts for women to make use of before they move in together.

Page: 1 | 2