A toast from your heart, written by someone else

But isn't it kind of cheating to have someone else write from your heart? No, it's not bad form at all, says etiquette expert Marjorie Brody, of Brody Communications in Jenkintown, Penn., and author of Professional Impressions ... Etiquette for Everyone, Every Day. "As long as the stories and feelings you're sharing are yours, I don't see it as a problem. You can buy any number of books with sample toasts ... to use," she says. "Besides, you don't need to tell anyone you didn't write it. Why would you?"

Pitlik began ThePerfectToast.com five years ago, after his brother's wedding, where he and a third brother served as co-best-men. Pitlik is so crowd-phobic he initially begged off the honor. But after much arm-twisting, the brothers decided Pitlik – a TV comedy and marketing writer – would pen the toast, and a younger brother would do the speaking. It was such a funny, touching success that people told Pitlik he should do it for a living. Now he does – employing five writers.

Most of the toast-writing is done for those too terrified or too busy to compose a short speech. Pitlik recalls a desperate e-mail he received from a groom who'd written his toast only to decide the day before the wedding that he hated it. " We were able to turn it around in time. He told me his bride couldn't believe he'd come up with such beautiful words on his own," says Pitlik. "I'm guessing he didn't tell her he paid for them."

Although business isn't booming yet. it is growing at a nice clip, says Pitlik. In past wedding seasons, ThePerfectToast averaged 150 toasts per month, and Pitlik expects to double that this year. Heather Pieczonka, cofounder of InstantWeddingToasts.com expects sales to be triple those of last summer. And Bud Dauphin, founder of Rhyme Lines, says he's turning away business, limiting his poetry load to five a week.

The upsurge, say some social observers, is due in part to a return to more traditional values – an eloquent toast being one of them. But best men often see the toast as a roast, says Pitlik. "A good toast should leave everyone choked up. A bad toast just makes everyone choke."

History and etiquette experts dictate that a toast should be less than a minute. But that's rarely the case, says J. Joseph Edgette, a professor at Widener University and its resident folklorist. Purists like Mr. Edgette who study today's mangling of the toast tradition – usually caused by too much champagne and a lack of preparation – look admiringly back to the origin of the toast. In ancient Greece it was simply to wish friends good health. Romans took a small piece of bread and toasted it until black, then put it in the wine to absorb any possible poison intended for the recipient. "That's how it became known as a toast," says Edgette.

Still an enduring sign of friendship, modern toasts have lost some charm. "Very few people use elegant words anymore," says Mr. Fishwick. "I've been at functions at Harvard where the toast ... is given in Latin. It's a bit pretentious, but it harks back to a time where protocol and position were very important." Even though people today are just as likely to get married in blue jeans as they are in a tuxedo, there's this notion that you can elevate a moment by toasting. You can make it eternal."

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