The savoir-faire of fancy singles' fare

"We Americans are so diverse," says David Stocker of Brookline, Mass. "We don't have the commonality of the British pub, for example. And churches, at least in this part of the country, are not an important community resource."

Mr. Stocker, who works in finance and spent 16 years as an investment banker in New York, enjoys the Single Gourmet because it gives him a chance to put down some roots. "Anyone in high-tech or finance lives in an airplane," he says. But the dinners allow him to connect with people where he lives and to converse in a way that is not superficial.

Stocker has discreetly dated some of his fellow diners, and he's not alone in that respect. In fact, Cabot knows of one couple who met through the club and got married. But, she adds, in every case the "hunt" has been subtle. She even finds herself playing a small role occasionally.

"Sometimes someone will call me up and say, 'Let me know the next time so-and-so signs up for a dinner.' I do pass that information along, and I may seat people together at the same table, but they have to take it from there. I am not a matchmaker," she says emphatically, "but everyone can use the help of a good friend now and then."

The selection of restaurants is a mix of four-star and innovative eateries. There are also less formal events, such as a recent trip - in a white stretch limo - from Boston to the Big Apple for Christmas shopping and sightseeing. Or the six-mile bike ride along the Charles River last summer that led to lunch in Cambridge.

Members who do a lot of traveling can also attend dinners at any of the 20 chapters nationwide. And the Single Gourmet does offer some vacation packages (San Francisco/Napa Valley and Italy last year).

Members say they like the option of traveling with a group they know and trust, but the $3,000 trips, like some of the dinners, would strain modest budgets. The $175 fee to join and the annual dues of $95 might also dissuade some people.

Then again, says Cabot, the Single Gourmet is a bargain compared with dating services that can cost $1,500 to $3,000 up front.

I attended two dinners to find out for myself. The first dinner was at one of Boston's trendiest, priciest restaurants. I was seated at the "30 to 40 [age group] table" with three other women and four men. Everyone was friendly and articulate.

The special menu, chosen just for the club, included four different appetizers, three entrees that we could choose from, three dessert options, and tea or coffee.

When the wait between appetizers and entree stretched to more than an hour, some at my table began grumbling. But people in the "50 to 60" group behind us put the extra time to good use. In fact, there was a potential romance brewing.

The second dinner was at an upscale Asian eatery. I had not previously met nine of my 10 tablemates, and both the food and the conversation delighted.

So, all things considered, were the two gourmet evenings a good value?

As one person pointed out at the first dinner, "I've always wanted to try this place, but I'd never walk in here by myself. The club gives you access to restaurants that don't usually reserve tables for one."

That's true, and there is a certain comfort in knowing that you will see at least one familiar face at each event (Cabot's). The evenings feel more like dinner parties than mixers, and often the members top off the meal by going to another restaurant for coffee and more conversation.

People in their early 20s probably wouldn't say the club is worthwhile, since most members are 35 to 50, although Cabot is trying to attract a younger crowd.

But for many members, the "is it worth it?" question comes down to what one attractive woman said at the second dinner. She had moved to Boston from Seattle and had signed up for every event that month because, as she put it, "Otherwise, I'd just stay at home with my cats."

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