Gone with the script

Like Kelly and Stewart, the lovers of "An Affair to Remember" (1957) didn't rush into marriage in their twenties. Cary Grant plays a handsome playboy aboard a cruise ship, en route to meet his fiancée. While on board, he falls in love with a nightclub singer (Deborah Kerr), who is also engaged. The film remains a favorite romance film for many, and even inspired parts of the film "Sleepless in Seattle" (1994). What's the secret to the enduring popularity of "An Affair to Remember?" Apart from the glamor, the great chemistry, and acts of self-sacrifice that define the movie, this film is a depiction of two equals meeting on equal terms. Seldom has courtship been idealized so beautifully and compellingly.

Is anyone surprised that the decade of "free love" was heralded by a 1960 movie called "Where the Boys Are"? The film, about four girls looking for boyfriends in Ft. Lauderdale during Spring Break, hinted at a new sexual equality: It was OK for girls to play the role of pursuer. The "Gidget" movies, too, featured a title character chasing after surf boys in a way that might have been described as "innocent," and "coquettish" before Britney Spears went and confused everyone as to what those words meant.

Attitudes toward dating in the '60s are best seen in two of the decade's landmark films. In "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," Spencer Tracy yet again deals with an independently minded daughter. When she brings her new boyfriend home, they discover he's black! The message: Parental approval would be nice, but is hardly necessary.

In "The Graduate," a young Dustin Hoffman says a very friendly hello to Mrs. Robinson, falls in love with her already engaged daughter, and then pulls the bride-to-be out of the wedding ceremony before she can be married. "The Graduate" pointed towards an era of more open relationships where marriage wasn't necessarily the end goal.

If movies from the past 25 years are to be believed, modern romance isn't easy. (Or maybe it just seems that way because there's a new Woody Allen movie released every year.) With career-oriented yuppies opting for long-term partnerships or short flings instead of marriage, Hollywood produced a deluge of movies examining confused young couples (see "The Last Days of Disco," "Reality Bites" or "Singles," for example).

Other films, such as the delightful "While You Were Sleeping" and "Crossing Delancey" played with the idea of a return to a traditional form of courtship. In the latter film, a Jewish Grandmother gets her daughter (Amy Irving) into a pickle when she tries to set her up with a Jewish pickle salesmen. This traditional approach to dating initially doesn't sit well with the daughter, but she is eventually won over. Similarly, in "Say Anything," a crusty father (Frasier's John Mahoney) tries to discourage his valedictorian daughter from fraternizing with a scruffy kickboxer who seems like an underachiever. More recently, Ben Stiller made audiences laugh - and squirm - at his ordeal at having to "Meet the Parents."

Among the multi-faceted romance tales that have emerged over the past two decades, the most surprising, perhaps, are movies that nod toward the past. Period pieces about traditional courtship, such as Merchant Ivory's "A Room With a View," Martin Scorcese's "The Age of Innocence," and Gillian Armstrong's "Little Women" sat side by side with Jane Austen adaptations at the cineplex. The appeal of these pictures lay in the depiction of desires suppressed by the cordial customs of courtship from centuries past. Audiences rediscovered the intrigue of coy sideway glances and simmering passions. After all, if romance movies are fueled by the thrill of the chase, then here were decathlons with the sort of hurdles that only the most gallant of romantic athletes could overcome. While few viewers wished for a return to the courtship of those days, more than a few women would admit to the allure of being the pursued - especially if the pursuer was Jane Austen's character, Mr. Darcy.

That's certainly true of "Bridget Jones's Diary," which slyly modeled itself after "Pride and Prejudice." At age 32, modern woman Bridget faces a seeming shortage of a few good men. After a disastrous pursuit of her boss, she meets her own Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth) just in time.

Despite all the changes on the silver screen, one formula hasn't changed much. Dinner and a movie still make a great first date. But... who pays?

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