Honk if you love doing car repair

OOver the years, I have learned to pump my own gas, check the tire pressure, and see that all the fluids in my car are at optimum levels. But other than that, I know (and want to know) nothing of how my automobile works. When it's not functionally normally, I take it to my mechanic and expect him to make it all better.

A couple of months ago, my car developed a new and strange symptom. For no apparent reason, the horn would start beeping. It would beep for a short time and then stop. My mechanic checked out the car and thought the car was fine, but he was beginning to wonder about me. (As a rule, a car will make funny noises only until a mechanic is within earshot.)

On a beautiful fall day recently, I took the car out for a drive to enjoy the changing autumn leaves. I was on my way home when the car began to beep and beep and beep.

I was on a busy four-lane highway at the time. Needless to say, drivers around me started giving me nasty looks. What could I do to calm things down?

I'm a substitute teacher in my local school district, and I've taught in all the schools. So I decided to start waving at the other cars, hoping they might contain parents of students I had taught. Perhaps they would think I was just being friendly.

This seemed to work well. I waved at each passing car and flashed my brightest smile. People started to wave back, using all five digits. I took that as a good sign.

I also found - much to my momentary relief - that if I drove with one hand pressed down on the horn, it stopped beeping.

But then the car horn began to beep once more. I was prepared to start waving again, but I hesitated. Now all the cars around me seemed to be from out of state - places such as Arizona, Florida, and Michigan.

Oh, well, I thought, maybe if I smile and wave they will think I'm just being welcoming. I started smiling and waving again, feeling like a fool. But the occupants of the other cars started smiling and waving back.

I arrived home and drove into the garage. Now my car began to beep nonstop. I went into the house and called my mechanic right away. I explained what had happened.

He thought it was very amusing.

I brought my (nonbeeping) car to my mechanic the next morning and left it there. He and his crew checked and rechecked the electrical system. They couldn't find anything wrong with it.

My car is now behaving itself. Me? I'm considering performing a horn removal. Anyone know where the horn is? It has to be under the hood someplace....