Elephantology

Just in time for the Republican national cnvention, researchers have announced proof that the ancestry of the elephant goes back to the Ice Age. A link to the ancient woolly mammoth was established with the aid of the well-preserved carcass of a mammoth from 40,000 years ago. It was found frozen in communist Siberia, where no Republican has ever been known to last so long.

As GOP delegates contemplate their own emblematic elephants, they can take the hint nto to let their campaign grow as woolly as the ancestral mammoth. The party has so much going for it in the polls that they don't want it to become extinct before November.

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